PunchDrunk Lovers
by NakanoHana
Summary: A short oneshot about a twisted relationship. Rated for violence, language, and mature themes, but no sex. Might be sensitive for some people.


Roxas couldn't remember anymore. Had it been six minutes? Only 3? An hour? The blows became indistinguishable after the first few; he hardly felt them now. They were nothing compared to the pain in his heart.

His back slammed into the wall, forcing a pained cry from his lips as the corner dug in sharply. The young man slid to the floor, whimpering pathetically. Like a dog at his master's feet.

He gasped as he struggled to sit up, feeling his body ache at the slightest movement. Was this happening now? Was he...taking a break? Roxas could only pray so.

He could barely hear the panting, couldn't see the fists clenching above him again, poised to strike.

"Tell me, you little slut!" Rough hands dragged him to his feet, forced him to the wall where he dangled helplessly. No time to recover yet. "Tell me who you fucked!"

"I-I didn't! Axel, p-please! I swear I didn't!"

"Liar!" The redhead didn't slap him like he'd thought. He full on punched him. Roxas felt his nose throbbing, blood pouring out of it as he hiccuped and sobbed. Was it broken? "You've been with Marluxia, haven't you? Or was it Demyx? Don't bullshit me, Roxas, tell me how many fucking dicks you sucked!"

"N-No one! Ah!" A hind fisted in his hair, practically yanking it out by the roots. Roxas squeezed his eyes shut because he couldn't stand to see the cold fury. The unrelenting rage on his lover's face, as he stood there, beating him, accusing him of the worst sin the young man had ever thought possible.

'But this isn't the first time, now is it?' his mind unhelpfully supplied. He shook his head, sobbing as he was punched again.

"Look at me! Goddamit, Roxas, fucking look at me when I'm talking to you!"

Out of sheer fear, he obeyed, and immediately wished he hadn't. Deep green eyes sparkled passionately, but it wasn't the same passion as before. They no longer looked at him with love and care, but with disgust and contempt. Like he was no better than an ant on the kitchen tile. If it was any consolation to him, though, the blonde wished he could turn so small.

He wanted to disappear. He wanted the pain to stop.

He wanted Axel to love him again.

"Who. Did. You. Fuck?" Axel seethed, grabbing his face and jerking it forward, leaving their noses barely a centimeter of air between them. The smaller man could only shake violently, stuttering his defense.

"No one, I s-swear!" With some effort, he lifted the hand with his wedding ring still on it, glistening as beautifully as the day Axel had slipped it on his finger. "I-I love you! Only y-you!"

"Then why the st-st-st-stuttering, Roxas?" the redhead mocked back, shoving him back into the wall again. "I'm not fucking stupid, you little whore! There are marks on your neck!" Jerking down the collar of his shirt, he glared at the evidence as if he could will it into spontaneous combustion.

"H-Hives!" Roxas screamed, cut off slightly as his lover choked him. That was why he was so angry? But...but he always broke out in hives. He worked in packaging and shipping all day. He was allergic to plastic. Axel had known this for at least a year.

"You think I'm blind? Stupid? What, huh?" Axel shook him violently, slamming him back again and punching him in the jaw. It was becoming a pattern now; scream, punch, rinse, and repeat.

"A-Axel, please!"

Suddenly, the redhead dropped him. Just let him go like a worthless sack of potatoes.

Crashing to the floor, the young man curled in on himself and sobbed. He could feel the deathly calm falling over the scene, which at least meant that maybe the hitting was over. But he could still feel that cold, disgusted stare.

"I'm sick of looking at you."

Axel turned and stormed away, grabbing his keys, a long jacket, and his wallet from the living room table.

"Wh-where are you g-going?"

"Out."

The door slammed hard, leaving him alone in a dark, cold, empty house.

And all he could do was cry. Cry and hold himself and rock back and forth, wishing Axel would come back.

'Of course he'll come back. It's his house, remember?' Roxas pulled his hair and kept sobbing, trying to shut out the thoughts as the came.

'Soon enough, he'll get tired of kicking you around. Then he'll throw you out.'

"N-No..." he whimpered softly, tensing like he wanted to scream.

More than anything else, he was terrified of losing him. Axel was his whole world. The one who always cheered him up. His best friend. His lover. His partner for all time.

Even after the man had grown so cold and hateful, accusing him of cheating, exploding over minor things, Roxas still loved him. This new Axel was...different. And he could be mean and cruel and hurtful. But it was still Axel. It was still the man he had vowed to love til the day he died.

Roxas slowly uncurled, wiping tears from his eyes and blood from his nose and chin. He pulled himself unsteadily to his feet, leaning on the wall for support. His back, his arms and legs, his neck; everything was hurting, throbbing and purple and red and black...

With some effort, he found the master bathroom, flipping the switch with a shaky finger. The moment the light flashed, he wanted to look away. His eyes were bloodshot from crying; red inside, black outside, the both of them. His nose wasn't as bad as he thought, but it looked slightly out of place. His neck had red marks from where Axel had choked him. His clothing rumpled and torn in one place.

He looked like a disaster.

Stifling new sobs, he got out the pain pills, swabs, alcohol, anything he could find. He was bad at patch-up work, but Roxas was the only one he could rely on right now, and he had to make the best of it.

He slowly began cleaning up, managing to crawl into the shower for a little bit. Sitting on the floor of the tub, he just sighed and shivered, letting the water pour onto his back as he washed his hair. The hot water stung, but it was the only way to numb the searing pain in his chest. The heat, the steam drifting lazily around him. That atmosphere was so thick with it all, but it felt good. Like warm arms wrapping around him, holding him.

"Axel..."

The shower made him feel a little better. He had just dried off, returning to the foggy mirror to take another look at the bruises, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Jumping, he turned to see a shadow lurking behind him.

"Hey."

The tremors were coming back all to quickly. His legs shook violently, unable to support his weight. Roxas grabbed for the sink and tried to calm the erratic beating of his heart. "A-Axel!"

'Please, please not again. Oh God, not again. Not now. Not so soon. Please. Please...'

Firm but gentle hands caught him under the arms, lifting him back up onto his feet again. "Easy."

For a moment they said nothing, Roxas desperately searching those eyes for something. They weren't fond like they used to be; they weren't even cold and angry like before. Axel looked exhausted, and it frightened him more than when he was violent.

'Any day now, he'll get rid of you...'

With that thought, Roxas jolted, springing into his arms and sobbing hysterically. He couldn't take it. Losing Axel would positively kill him; his heart would beat wildly, trying to rip its way out of his body at the very idea of leaving. This man was his life, his everything. His dream.

The redhead accepted the new weight in his arms remarkably well, all things considered. He pulled the boy into a tight embrace, a soothing hand stroking along his back as he cried his eyes out.

"Shhh, Roxy. It's okay...I'm sorry, alright? Please, please don't cry..."

Roxas hiccuped softly. The voice was calming and loving, like he remembered. This was his Axel again.

Shakily, he raised his head and looked into those eyes. He was so lost and confused and frightened, but they drew him in. He adored this man with every fiber of his being, and it sent a wave of happiness through him, seeing some love return to those once cold eyes. This look he liked the best.

Passion of any kind was better than indifference.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry." He flinched as a hand trailed up to the side of his face, before gently tilting it. Worried eyes scanned his bruised features, almost shedding tears themselves. Axel was crying?

"What have I done to you?" the redhead asked, stroking his cheek softly. "...Roxas, this is getting out of hand. I can't control myself anymore. You...you make me so angry sometimes... I'm worried that it isn't safe for you here anymore."

"No!" The smaller man grabbed him desperately, eyes filling with tears again. "No! You can't leave me, Axel! I love you!"

"I-I love you too, Roxy, but-"

"But nothing! It's fine, Axel! Really!" Roxas snuggled up to him, clinging to his warmth like it was the only comforting thing left in the world. "I love you so much. It would kill me to leave you. Besides, I deserve when it happens."

Axel pulled him back to arm's length, eyeing him suspiciously all over again. "Why do you say that?"

The blonde swallowed nervously, shaking again. "I love you so much, but...b-but I'm scared. I'm scared of when you get like that. I should love you, no matter what, but I provoke you and make you so angry. It's my fault." He sobbed, looking away again. He felt guilty every time he thought badly of his husband, but he couldn't help it. Axel's temper, his occasional over-spending, his drinking. He didn't like those things, and because of his selfishness, he was hurting the one he loved.

The redhead's eyes softened, a deep pity overtaking his features.

"This is so fucked up, Rox," he said simply, going silent again. Roxas felt his sadness, knew that he knew about everything now. It was just a huge cycle of anger, that kept trying to turn them away from each other. It almost worked, too, but they both knew that Roxas would never leave.

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Axel helped him clean up, carried him to their soft queen-sizer, and laid them both down to sleep. They snuggled in each other's arms, restless, worrying, angry, hurt, upset. But neither of them said a word, desperate to keep some semblance of peace. Some semblance of the perfect, fairytale romance they had always wanted it to be. Axel knew his lover was innocent, faithful as the day was long, but he still came home and beat him, cursed him, called him the most vile, underserving names in the English language.

And every time he left, he would realize the mistakes he'd made. He'd drive home to find Roxas waiting with open arms, as sweet and forgiving as he had always been.

It killed him inside, and fed his violent desires. In a world that seemed so out of control, so unforgiving and harsh, here was one thing in his life that stayed consistent. The one person who loved him, feared him, obeyed him, and gave him the sense of normality he longed for.

But it wasn't normal, and they both knew it.

They loved each other enough to stay together, but not enough to leave.


End file.
